50.

ONE TV'S STORY

Inasmuch as I find the personal accounts and histories of other TV's very interesting, it occurs to me that they may find mine interesting too, so I present it here.

My father committed suicide when I was a year and a half old and my mother returned to her parent's home to live with my brother (6 yrs. older) and myself. She found a position in another town since there were few opportunities for employ- ment where my grandparents lived. As far back as I can remem- ber, in that house, I always slept with my grandmother. Later my mother returned when I was about 5 or 6 and we moved to an apartment. I always slept with my mother till the age of 20

In these early years-about 4 or 5- I recall talking to the little girl next door and telling her that I wished that I was a little girl. She told me that she wished she were a boy. The oddity of this apparently struck me as I have always remembered it. I also recall being most attracted to rayon bloomers which peeked out below the dresses of a little girl when I was in about the 2nd. grade. I used to look forward to seeing them each day and would look at them from time to time all thru the day

A young lady in her 208 went into partnership with my Mother in a millinery shop and shared our apartment. Her dis- /carded underwear in the clothes hamper in the bathroom became of interest to me. One day when I was alone in the apartment I put on a pair of her bloomers over my clothing. They come almost to my ankles She happened to come home while I had them on. I was embarassed and frightened but she reassured me, laughed, told me to leave them on and said I looked cute.

The business was not a success and we moved to another

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town and lived in rooming houses. All through the years, my mother, a very dominant woman continually made deprecating remarks about my father, her father and men in general. were described as stupid, ignorant, coarse, "They only have one thing on their minds, etc. From as far back as I can remember-say 4 of 5- until about 12 or 13, I had a recurring dream almost nightly. In this dream I was engaged in trench

why suecido?